the smile of an angel~

21/06 - this was the first time i saw my mum smile ever since she had an accident on the 6/6...its just beyond words to describe the feeling im having at that specific moment...i just feel so touched and heart warming...i just find her smile so beautiful...

she spoke to me alot today (with her condition, its consider alot =) )...although its not long sentences...but im still happy about it...i guess its true...that when a human nearly lost someone he/she loves...then will they start to appreciate the simple gesture like a smile or some simple words...why didnt i realise earlier? i hate myself for losing all the time and only realise till now...

i pray for my mum speedy recovery...i want to bring her out to where im going....i want to take lots of pics with her...i want to spend more time with her and many more... =)

thks god for giving me this chance...a chance to set everything right...i promise...i will treasure =)

haiz..

tml is the 49th days of my good bro, rabbit...aminah and the rest of the guys are planning to go guan ming san and pray to him...aminah ask me along too...i guess i will also drop by...pray to my dad too...its been some times since i last visited him...

sometimes i wonder....why did god create different kinds of characters in mankind....to be more unique? to match different people? or? after all the happening...my theory on animals are still the best is just getting stronger....now in my life...only my mum and daughter plus afew of my best buddies like aminah, kaka, josjos, carmen and huiyi matters to me...

kinda sick of seeing people plastic face...so fake...hypocrite...act one kind and do another...their agenda is so obvious and they actually thought no one knows...kinda pathetic...will these kind of people even have sincere and true friends? or maybe kinship....

i always believe what goes around comes around....karma have not befall on you doesnt mean it wont...the time is just not up yet...just be careful where u tread...you never know what's gonna happen next =)

happy father's day 2011

happy father's day to you papa...pls bless mummy with good health and speedy recovery....we miss you lots...love you always...you shall forever be remembered <3

depressed

feeling kinda depressed and happy too today....depressed was bcos i've rejected acres finally....it was a painful decision =(

depressed was also bcos i've heard something which confirms my doubt in "you"...finally it came out from "your" mouth...everybody was right afterall..."you" are just another hypocrite...seems like nothing matters more to "you" then xxxxx hahaha...

happy was i've manage to get a 2nd hand wheelchair from one of my friend for my mum discharge usage.

happy was also mum is doing well and by next week the doc are planning to transfer her to the general ward =D

jiayou mummy!!!! you are a brave woman!!! i know ur broken hand hurts alot now...pls be strong and bear with it...you will be home soon...me and isabel are waiting for you! jiayou!!!!

haiz...

haiz...kinda sad...suppose to start work at acres last tuesday which is the 07/06/2011....but due to my mum accident...the whole thing was put off...i really dunno am i able to work for acres after hearing what the social worker told me...

the doctor is planning to put my mum on rehabilitation...meaning starting the daily exercise for her...and the caregiver have to be there everyday to see how they do it then follow by helping my mum with the process....as my mum stays with me...i guess im the only person she can rely on now...with the current state of my mum..i guess i wont be able to join the work force that soon...and its not fair to get acres to keep on holding the post for me..im in a dilemma...finally i found a job which i love so much but on the other hand...its my mother's care which we are talking about...definitely...if i have to choose...will be my mum instead of the job...im kinda upset i have to give up my dream job on working with the animals...and im also worried about my income...haiz...what should i do....

my loved ones

my mother & my daughter...the only kins i have left in this world...cant imagine what my life will be without them....

have not been taking a good look at my mum for years...for the past 1 week during her stay in the hospital then did i start to look at her thoroughly...

a very strong woman in my eyes...sometimes it sets me wondering are all mothers the same...in fact...when i look at her lying on the hospital bed...a sense of guilt came to me....why did i realise i did not treasure only when i almost lost her...seriously...no words can describe the fear im having....the feeling of lost and not knowing where to go....i just ask myself repeatly...what will happen to me if my mum is to leave me suddenly....i just feel so scare...first time in my life that im feeling so so helpless and lost....

seeing her showing signs of improvement everyday just warms my heart...seeing her looking at me...seeing her talking to me...seeing how she grip my hand....its just so unbelivable how these little acts actually lighten my heart and makes me happy...all im asking for is for her to recover asap...all the suffering and pain to cease asap...i just cant afford to lose her...the greatest woman in my life.

mummy...pls get well soon...love you tons <3

good news!

am happy from yesterday and still counting =D

my mum condiditon is improving...the doc told me that they plan to transfer her to the general ward tml...yippie!!!!!!

i guess bcos she is starting to heal on her fracture areas...she has been complaining abt pain these few days...but i feel so helpless cos i cant do anything...i just hope the pain can go off as soon as possible...

today the social worker from SGH talk to me...its regarding abt my mum after care....she pose alot of questions to me...asking me whats my planning and stuff...actually im kinda stuck...although most of the things i have think before...but i know theres still a limit as to what i can do...she've arrange for a family talk on this sat....i hope by then we work something out too...

went to the police station and file a report on my mum incident earlier on...i've decided to claim against the driver who bang on my mum...aminah told me a police report is needed before we can do anything...so most prolly i will drop by to her office and start all the claims next week.

anyway im still glad mummy is strong enough to go through all these pain and suffering...she will recover soon de and enjoy her life after all these shitty thing...i have been encouraging her everyday...telling her she must jiayou and stay strong..telling her we are waiting for her to go home...she is a strong woman...she can do it definitely! jiayou mummy!!!! be home soon!!!! <3

proudest thing i've done

have all along wanted to sign the forms for the organs donation but no chance to...finally i've submitted the forms today at SGH...happy =D

to me...after death...all the organs will go to waste if we to burn them down...why not use this chance and recycle ourself...meanwhile helping others too...giving them a chance to enjoy the world...

i definitely hope the rest of the people can join in this donation too...lets not waste our useful parts...lets give lives to other people even when we are dead...its a way of building good karma too =D

went for my blood donation yesterday...the last time i donated my blood was in 1999 lolz...12 years back...well...lots of ppl are wondering what happen to me...sign organs donation forms...donate blood...well...after seeing my mum incident...im starting to feel for those less fortunate...those who are struggling to stay alive but yet cant...i wanna do my part...since blood will be replenish even after we donate..why not? one packet of 450cc blood donated could just save a live...you never know...

anyway my next appt is on sept 6th...i will still go for the donation...hopefully i remember it by then hahaha...with my goldfish memory...am so afraid that it will just slip my mind =P

im really proud of myself for these 2 things i've done...i hope im building good karma for my mummy too...pls bless her with good health and happiness..thats all im asking for =)

the love of my life

today morning doc remove her breathing tube and let her breathe all by herself....this is good news to me but after awhile...it seems that mum have difficulty in breathing...i ask her and she nod her head...so i went to the nurse and told her...they decided to put an airway tube into one of her nostril just to assist her in more smoother breathing...i can sense the discomfort she had but it seems that we dont have much choice but to do this....

today she seems kinda drowsy too...and i pray and hope its due to tiredness and nothing else...she still open her eyes and look at us...responded to us by shaking or nodding her head...but im still so worried....i hope all these suffering will be over for her soon....i pray that the antibiotic is doing their job of clearing her lung infection too...i hope that i will be hearing from the doc that they are transferring her to the general ward soon too..

mummy...pls stay strong...dont lose hope...we are all waiting for you to be home soon... <3

i love you mummy

i love you, mummy!!!!!

i hope these 3 words didnt come too late....today i finally pluck up my courage and told my mother "i love you" and "i'm sorry" when she open her eyes and look at me....i didnt know the fear of losing my dearest one till this incident...i hope god grant me another chance to let me have more time with my mum...i still have so much things that i have yet to do with her...

now then i realise...to see my mum smiling face...to hear her nagging is actually a blissful thing in life...i felt so lost these few days when she's not at home...the sense of fear....it just freak me out...life is so short...and things happen so suddenly....now i finally comprehend what does it means to treasure before you lose it...i really understand it now....

seeing her in hospital bed breaks my heart...with all the needles and bandages, the blueblacks too... =(

today doctor told me she show signs of improvement...although she is still consider in critical stage bcos of her lung infection...i pray that she hold on to her will and recover asap...i really miss her lots...pls let me have more good news in the coming days...cos in my heart...nothing matters more than her to me now....she is all i care about at this moment...i want to fulfil my promises to her...and i know she can make it de =)

dear friends, pls remember to cherish your parents before they are gone...i didnt bother about them previously...but i almost lost her...and this wakes me up...dont let any regrets creep up to you in future...life is short and we all have only 1 pair of parents...treasure them...you dont always have the chance to....life gives no repeat telecast...

mom, i love you...pls come home soon...and i apologise for my previous negligent and harsh tone...i'm sorry....pls gimme more time to put everything back in place...to cover back the time we lost in the past...pls be safe and be home soon...

fear

nothing can describe the fear im having now....the fear of losing someone i love...the fear of dunno whats gonna happen tomorrow...the fear of being alone...the fear of being abandon...the fear of feeling so lost...everyday im hearing new things from the doctor...im really so afraid....im really scare of losing her...i dont want to be abandon!

today the doc told us that things doesnt look too good...it seems that its her lung that is giving her all the problem now...doc ask us to be prepare for the worst...i dread hearing that...i dont want her to go...she promise me that she will hold on and fight till the end...she promise me she will come home with me....mummy..pls dont break your promise =~(

why didnt i manage to prevent this accident...why didnt i find a car and send her to my aunt place as arrange in the first place...why....i hate all these...

pls dont bring my mum away from me...i still need her by my side...i have yet to learn lots of things from her...please let her come back to me....please....i really pray and hope that i will only get good news from now onwards...please dont gimme the roller coaster ride again...im afraid...afraid that i will just collapse...im so mentally and physically strained =(

人累心也累

i freaking hate that place...the smell of helplessness, pain and miserable....today is the 4th day my mum is in hospital...she's still in the icu...still under observation....from observing her brain blood clot, to her lung infection, to her breathing...now her fever....although the doctor say that everything is alright...im still on tenderhooks....

seeing all the needles, seeing her gasping for breath on the oxygen mask, seeing all the wounds, seeing the broken hand and fractured pelvic bone...really hurts me to the core....when can my mum recover? i wish she will be back home soon...back to the naggy mum i once used to have....now that she's not home...its so quiet....i miss her

mama, pls get well soon...i promise i will spend more time with you so you wont feel so lonely...i hate being left alone without you by my side...i really love you...please come home soon =(

我现在才发现，和你的合照竟然是那么少... i hate myself =(

sadness

06/06/2011, am very unhappy and sad today...am still at KL when i receive this stupid message from my sis who inform me that my mum had met with an accident while on her way to work in the morning....she was hit by a car driven by a young couple...i still dunno whats the whole story abt as my sister says the police are not willing to disclose what's happening...and just mention that this case is under investigation.

can u imagine the helpless feeling im having when i get that message and im so far away from sg...i just panic and at the same time feel so lost...so many thoughts running thru my head...the stupid feeling of losing someone dear to me is just so scary....

immediately went over to buy a bus ticket back to sg and manage to get the 1pm bus...the journey just seems so long...when i reach sg is alrdy around 7+pm...rush a cab to SGH and went straight up to the ICU...saw my sister, brother-in-laws, nieces and nephew....i just wanted to look at my mum...

went inside the ICU and i just couldnt stop my tears from flowing upon seeing her...the sight aches my heart...i talk to her...and she responded although i couldnt quite make out whats she's saying..its still a good thing thats she's conscious...according to the updates from my relatives...she had blood clot on both side of her head...her right hand was broken and pelvic bone fractured....i feel the pain =~(

but later on...i get the news again that if within 48 hours...her brain dont bleed again then she's consider safe....so it means she's still in danger now..

i keep talking to her...tell her to hold on...tell her im waiting for her to go home together and she must recover...but she just didnt reply me nor give me any response...this scares me...seriously....

due to this happening...im unable to start work again...miss anbu from acres was kind enough to excuse me....but i feel very bad about it....now all my income are cut off...i hope i can still get this job when everything goes smoothly again...im worried too that they will decide not to employ me...sorry and thks acres ppl for the understanding...

will be going over to the hospital tml early morning to look at the report of my mum injury...i pray and hope that good news is awaiting us...please god...

mum, please dont dump us...please come home with us...please hold on...dad doesnt need u to accompany him...but we need u...please recover and get out of the danger zone asap! please dont scare us...we love you =(

its over!!!

finally! today i blew up! at my dearest bro hahaha...i really had enough! thanks to him that i've finally see the reason for me to leave this circle...his action tonight just confirm on my thoughts which have been left hanging there for years, months or even weeks....

bcos of this 2 stupid genting lion dance competition...bcos i thought of helping him since he cant make it bcos sg got another lion dance competition....i've delay my start work day for acres...end up just bcos of some stupid temper of his...he cancel everything...FUCK HIM! yes i say FUCK HIM! take me for granted then im sorry...i hope he last long!

scary day

this aminah...scare the shit outta me yesterday afternoon when i just woke up...was browsing thru face book news feed and see her check in at ntu...follow by reading remarks by kaka...i thot what happen to her....finally manage to get her and know that she fainted due to some nerve problem...she cant stand on feet for long....wanted to go find her but she told me she going home with her mum le..and she reassure me she is fine...wtf lor..my heart is beating so fast for the moment i saw the update....its just so scary...but upon learning she is ok...i rest my heart to ease....

aiyo aminah! next time if not feeling well must tell us ok...dont give us sudden shock again...its damn scary...aunty, me old liao...cannot tahan so many shocks...be good and eat more tonic....rest more for the time being now...we still have many place to go....must recover ok....love u! <3