Idiot!!!!

FUCK BLOGSPOT!!!!! I DUNNO WAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU...ALL THE PHOTOS WHICH IVE UPLOADED IN U ARE GONE....I'M CHANGING MY BLOG TO TUMBLR FROM NOW ONWARDS!!!!!

FOR THOSE WHO ARE READING MY BLOG...NEW ADD IS

WIINTERTEARS.TUMBLE.COM

My cat

I so deeply in love with my cat, misha <3

wtf????

wtf???? all my photos in my blogspot is gone!!!!!!! just what the hell is happening?????

Emotional

Feeling kinda sad tonight... the feeling of betrayal by somebody Who meant alot to me...I gave him 100% of my trust...even when ppl around me hated n doubt him...I never leave ...instead I choose to stand by him...end up? I allow him to hurt me...

I was a clown all the while...only today then I realise...n Yes...it hurts...I teared...I know I'm not gonna believe anyone of them again...thank you for causing this phobia in me...you've done a great job.

lakorn - jai rao

was recommended this lakorn by my sweetie kiki, as i wanted to learn more thai so she suggest me to watch more thai movies  =) ...this love story is kinda wishy washy but it was consider a nice movie...i rather admire the love they had for each other in this lakorn...the ending of the lakorn is unexpectable too..

am planning to catch the next lakorn soon...to be update soon =)


Lakorn (Thai: ละคร, pronounced [làʔkʰɔːn] or [lakʰɔːn], RTGS: lakhon), while usually meaning play in the Thai language, is also the term for dramatic television serials (soap operas).

<3

We have our ups n downs.. there are times when we find each other unreasonable.. he's not perfect..but I just want him (*^﹏^*)

Mai sabai

Sickening virus...till date I'm still not feeling well... severe coughing till my lungs are dropping out zzzzz

Yesterday went v5, miss him so much.. suppose to go today again but I'm down =(

I'm actually looking forward to 23rd Sept,  he will be taking off on that day and attend my friend birthday party with me =) hopefully by then I've fully recovered.  Just love being with him <3

counting down ~

Panda love!

Today is this sweetie pie kaikai 5th birthday...his first time celebrating his birthday right here in sg. He got himself a 5kg specially made birthday cake...consist of carrots n some panda treats frozen overnight...lovable fella...can't wait to see him n his gf in real on Dec..

HAPPY SWEETEST 5TH BIRTHDAY TO YOU KAI KAI!!!!! 

Missing him so much

Browsing thru my old pics n I found this pic of us taken last year at USS... fond memories...it's been more than five days since I last saw him...we only chat on phone n whatapps everyday due to my sickness...I told him I will try my best to make my way down tonight...hope my throat don't gimme problem again...I can barely speak now...but I really need to see him =(

He might be going back to Thai earlier this time round...thks to all those cheapos as mention in my previous post...he says he don't have customers n couldn't hit the target...so no point wasting his time here...guess I got to plan my thai trip soon...maybe a month plus stay at thai with him will be good...let's see how stuffs goes...

Silly boy keep asking me to sleep more, eat more, rest more Haha...I really miss him lots...hopefully I can make it tonight...

idiots!

ok...its pissing me off seriously...this morning, as usual, he apps me telling me he is waiting for transport n going home...we had a small chat....he told me he is kinda high...ran alot of tables n playing games with so many ppl...yet not a single flower he earn...wtf right...alright...i know dats a thai disco but so what?? if u little girls little boys cannot afford even a ten dollars flower...then go kopitiam drink la...make those singers play n drink so much...at the end...not even an appreciation was shown...they are also working...and YES THEY DEPEND ON FLOWERS!!!!! if u all dont intend to hang...then DONT ask them drink zzzzz....all the morons!!! knn!!! see him drunk every night i dont feel good either...he try so hard...but...

n those little girls...only know how to take pics n tag him...all idiots also...im not jealous over the pics...im just angry bcos all are taking him for a ride...nbz...wanna play with my bf...can...but pls contribute...all fucking cheapos...and not make him drink so much every night!

spare a thought for them...their health does matters!!!

Im sick =(

After my dar got sick..it's my turn n I'm feeling terrible...flu, cough, sore throat, right ear blocked..went to the doc,  took medicine n yet it doesn't seems to help much...instead it seems to be getting worse...I'm feeling sucky n lethargic now..when will I recover? I'm missing him so much =(

DARLING SICK =(

awwww...my darling is sick....coughing, sore throat, fever...i bought him medicine n food today...send it up to his work place then accompany him till 3+am....hopefully he recover soon...see alrdy heart pain....guess yesterday he was feeling really bad thats why he ask his company to give him an off day so he can rest....people working in night life fall sick easily...due to lack of sleep and have to drink every night...i pray that he will have the pink of health....he is totally moodless but yet got to entertain his customers...

darling, please get well soon...i want you to be ur happy self again...please take care of urself for me...love u lots... *HUGZ* *JUBJUB*



*anyway OT abit...i hear some hilarious stuffs from dar earlier on...a lil gal is jealous of me lolz...and well...all i wanna say is...."nice try lil' gal....but you will never be able to replace me in his heart =)"

My love

Alot of my friends are rather concern abt my progress with Ton...questions like are we still together?  Are we as good as before? have been asked...I would like to tell all my dear friends... YES!  Me and him are still together and going on strong , n in fact we are closer than before now... I'm really so infatuated with him.... looking back at wat we've been thru, it really isn't easy but I'm glad he didn't let go all these while...I know I'm unreasonable at times and I'm glad he put up with my nonsense too...in short ,I wanna thks God for arranging him in my life =)

Darling, I'm sorry I make you angry at times... thank you for putting up with my nonsense and trying ur best to assure me of your feeling...I promise you I will be good, not letting you feel hurt again...I trust your feeling towards me....n you must believe in me too...we still got a long journey to walk together.... let's give our best to each other... last but not least....love you lots ! muackz!

hopeless job

its really draining me out...this job...no income and i have to make my way to the office everyday...all these incur expenses...frankly speaking...if its not bcos of my boss, jerry...i would really have left long ago...i love this job bcos of the hours..my colleagues, my boss and the good money too if i manage to close deals...but problem now which me n my colleagues are facing is...we are not really making the monies we want...i really cannot afford to go without income at this current state of mine...house, bills, expenses, debts etc etc...im really mentally tired...GM keep saying im not trying hard enough, i have low morale, my fighting spirit is gone...but did he ever realise...how to have confident when now what we are selling is all so strange to us??  if i can close deals...do u think i will say no to money?? really sorry but i think at times what he talks doesnt even make sense at all...scare of this scare of that...actually im kinda disappointed...well...what those quotes says are all true...instead of expecting help from others...i have to fight the war alone...and i know i will still survive this round too...nobody can ever put me down! just bcos im carol =)

host club

was browsing thru my email when i chance upon this article which i've wrote one year plus ago when i was first introduce to host club....my job at that time is actually to know more on the lifestyle of the hosts...and that time was the first time i've known ton....below is a true life account on how i was feeling when we had our first quarrel...the confusing state of mind i've got at that moment...i guess...its at that time i've fallen in love with him....

kindly read the article with an open mind...and no, he is NOT a gigolo...and i love him...

p/s : he have already left this job =)

**this article was written out with the help of my dearest friend, aminah...special credits  to her**

那月色的美，那醉人的温柔。我，终于都明白了。陷入了这一场风花雪月之恋，这是否是个错误的开始。 

从来都不明白，为什么有那么多的女人，对于这种场所会有那么多的眷恋。一直重复的问自己，那个地方真的有那么好吗? 真的那么让人无法自拔吗? 而现在的我，也已经有了这个答案。 

我，一个很平凡的女人。。。会相信这个世界上男人的谎言，男人的风流，男人的甜言 蜜语是理所当然的。我也相信他们对每一个女人所说过的谎言次数也远远超乎想像。。。经过朋友的介绍，我进入了这一行，一份不寻常的职业，职责就是要探索这 一班美男子的温柔乡到底是如何。又有多少人能相信我不曾被动摇过。。但我始终告诉自己这只是他们的游戏。。。一场美丽但又不实在的梦。 

初次见到了彤，只是觉得他长得很帅，大大的眼睛，高挺的鼻梁，可爱的笑声，名符其实的美男子。 

不知道在什么时候，我竟然被他吸引了。。就一个很普通的他，没有特别的甜言蜜语，没有亲密的举动。从朋友口中知道，他。。和别的他们不同，唯一一样可以信任的是，他靠近你不是为了 “钱”。 

似乎每天都和朋友去那家夜店，我想，也只有在那里我才能用最长的时间与他相处。。。日子一天一天的过，我也开始担心了起来，究竟我能否把持这一切。我害怕有一天我将无法抽离我自己的角色，跌入谷里无法再看到现实的生活。。。我害怕伤心，害怕会见到他拥抱着别人在怀里，害怕问我自己到底怎样的他才是真实的他。害怕我真的会假戏真做。。。 

我很清楚到底这个故事的结局是什么，也很明白我们只是彼此的过客。但每一晚的见面和聊天还有那甜蜜的拥抱竟然多少动摇了我的心。 

那一晚，我像失去了理智一样，第一次和他吵架了。。。

音乐结束，灯亮了，我也回到现实的生活中。。。静静的离开一个属于我们的地方，朋友都各自和她们的他一起离开，我却。。。 

打了电话给他，“我们一起走好吗？”

他让我在门外等他。等了他好久好久。。我傻傻的一个人抽着烟，看着周围的人都在各自沉醉于这一场不现实的喧哗中，好似不愿醒来，不想回到这残酷的世界。时间一分一秒过了，我不知不觉抽了第三根烟，还是等不到他。。。他的同事说他正在忙着处理一些事情，要多一会儿才出来。

又点了一根烟，才发觉我点燃的不就是寂寞与空虚。。。一口一口的吸进肺里。。。深怕被别人发现那狼狈的自己。 

他，终于出来了。“我们走吧。。。” 他默默的走在我身边，我们什么都没聊，不是语言的问题，而是。。。我找不到什么话题，心里总有一阵阵无法形容的感触，到底怎么了？

他。。。停下那沉重的脚步， 

“我。。。"一个简单的 "我”，打断了宁静的夜晚，我转身问他，“怎么了？” 他很无奈的说，“对不起，我不能和你离开，还有顾客在等我，她醉了。” 忽然间心里一抽，原来，这就是他的选择。他不会为了我而留下。。

他看出了我的不悦，也为此一直向我道歉，但。。。有用吗? 

“你走吧” 我告诉这个不属于我的他，“去找那个在等你的她。。。别让她久等了” 我转身离开，他竟拉这我的手。不让我走。我推开了他。。。直瞪着他，终于也发了脾气 "为什么你有顾客在等你你却不告诉我，为什么要我像个傻瓜那样的在门外等你? 好玩吗?" 在那一刹那，我有种被遗弃的感觉，好想哭。。。 

“对不起，我真的不知道那顾客没有离开，一直以来她从没喝醉过，也不知道她今天怎么了。你不要生气好吗? 我不是故意的，对不起。我迟一些在打个电话给你好吗?” 他依然没有放开我的手，我也开始在问我自己，是不是每个他都一样？我。。。又是不是也动心了。。。我是因为生气他让我等了那么久结果却说他不能走还是因为我真的在意。。。我。。。没有答案。 

我们每一次的分开，都是我先转身离去。。但这一晚，我坚持不离开。停下了脚步,望着他。

他很用力的拥抱着我。。亲着我的脸颊。。。告诉我，对不起。。。他说他不希望看到我难过，生气，他什么都不要，只要我不怪他。一句简单的对不起，今天特别 有感触，为什么？好多好多话想说却无法心平气和的解决，我。。。乱了。 

纠缠了那么久，我也不想在这样僵下去，因为我明白，他，始终是要离开的。我选择了让他走，或许应该说，我不得不让他走。"没关系，真的没关系，别让她等太久，要小心。早点回好吗？我没事，到家记得打给我。” 我主动走向他给了他一个拥抱，告诉他我真的不介意他走，可有谁明白我内心多么的不愿与无奈。 

他也终于在我给他的错觉中，离开了。慢慢的从我视线离去。。而我，也第一次为了他掉下了眼泪。 

这一晚，感触很深。。很平静的夜晚，感觉却好像刚从繁华的商场离去。。那种心寒的迷失感，直往心里涌，这到底是什么感觉? 

心情糟透了，从来都没想过我会被他的工作影响我的情绪，从没想过我会因为他的离开而落泪。。。但，在那一晚，我已经清楚明白，我是彻彻底底的失败了。。。 

亲爱的，你的拥抱再也让我回不去了。。别一直指望我了解你，别每次都希望我能体谅你，太多的是非只是这残缺的美。。。太多的是非，我跟不上你的。。。步法。

无法断的对话，无法推开的他，无法抽离角色的我。。。沉沦了。。。

memories

decided to re-read what i have type in the past on my blog....and tons of memories came flowing back to me...so much things had happen...so much things had change...my tears just fell...

those memories...its haunting me...from that bastard LYC...to my lion dance circle...to my bro...to those happenings....looking back...i realise i've really lost alot of things...and sad to say...i will never be able to bring it back anymore =(

perhaps i shouldnt have come back to blog...perhaps i shouldnt have even re-read all my posts...im feeling so down now...and somehow or rather...its hurting me

am i really happy with what im having now? do i belong to where i am now? so many thoughts running thru my mind...i guess...i dont really have a choice...i can only just move on and seek for the best...im really getting tired...other than having my mum, daughter n ton with me now...basically im all alone...just what had went wrong? why am i feeling so emo tonight....

our love tokens!

Finally me n him, after a year ,we've got something we can call our own....a pair of necklace from couple lab....I really love em to the Max...he's wearing my name n I'm wearing his *giggles* so sweet right lol

I guess after wat we've been thru, I've started to treasure our relationship more n more...I guess it applies to him too....the bond we have now....it's just beyond words....I love it when he keep holding on to my hands when I go over to his work place n find him...I love it when he stand so close to me....I love it when he kiss me....everything is so sweet....I want this to last! Ton song song! I'm just so in love with you na! Let's be together forever!

heeelllllooooo

hahaha...im back after disappearing for so long...really need to have a good spring cleaning on this blog of mine...

so what brings me back here....memories i guess...this is the place where i use to write down every one of  my happenings and thots...so i guess its time for me to come back here and pen down every of my sweetest memories once again =)

so what have i been busy with recently? work! work! work! unbelievably, i've actually let go of my passion for 20+ plus years....and that is dragon dance...i no longer attend all their performance...no longer get the urge to join in in any of their programs...just what is happening to me? i guess i've grown up...and starting to know which is more important to me now... =)

so other than work...im now also spending time with my love too...if u guys still remember who is he...the thai guy whom i was so infatuated with previously...ton =)  somehow we are still together after all those ups n downs...and time flies...its been a year plus...and im definitely looking forward to our future together...loving him more and more each day...hopefully he can really be my last...

well...i shall try my very best to come back and blog abt me n him...abt my life happening etc....so humans...pls stay tune if u r still lurking around my blog hahaha...loveya all <3>

memories

sometimes i wonder...is everything really that fragile?

have been browsing thru all my old post in fb...and i realise i was actually smiling...yes...its a smile from the bottom of my heart....i miss all my friends....but somewhat...its all gone....

recalling the times when im down and i had all my dearest friends and bro staying with me...comforting me...trying their best to make me happy...standing up for me....but where have all these gone? is it true that as we grow...things changed?

i miss alot of ppl...aminah,kaka,jos,qiang,heng baby,my once-bro,ptb,uncle tock,dindin,yang and so much more....those happy moments...those crappy conversation....there's just so much....

i knew that all of this will forever remain as the best memories....i do treasure them....i cannot imagine myself without fb now...how much memories would i have lost....

time to catch up with them soon...and i definitely hope....it wont be too long =)

movies update!

watch this movie with isabel at tiong bahru plaza GV....i find this part not as good as clash of the titans...rating wise 3/5....am expecting more of these greek gods movies.

watch at tiong bahru plaza GV with isabel...romantic and touching movie...rating 3.5/5....can watch =)

watch this movie with jason at cineleisure....he's watching it the 2nd time with me hahaha...nice action film....rating 4.5/5...highly recommended! its only till the end then i realise the black woman is rihanna lol

bad bad flu

omg...finally im back here blogging again hahaha...sorry for the neglect...was kinda not in the mood for everything till today...hopefully i dont go missing again and leave my blog to rot =P

what could be the worse thing than to be down with a bad bad flu...2 days ago while im in the office...dunno where did i catch the flu bird...i start sneezing non stop...and of cos follow by severe nose block....its has been the 3rd day now and it didnt seems to get better...can u imagine me smoking but the smoke cant exhale from the nostrils lol

will be going to see a doctor and get mc...really need a rest...from all those drinking n chionging nites....from all the work stress and stuffs....i felt myself collapsing...but i got to hold on...im sure i will be getting better and better in terms of everything in the near future...jiayou o carol!!!!!

2012 first post!

my first post of 2012...sorry blog i've neglected u for so long...didnt really have the mood to blog abt anything...

so much things have happen since my last post....i really dunno what have i gotten myself into....from a "normal" life woman to an "abnormal" life woman...i really see alot of changes in me...after so much incidents...i finally realise who are the friends which i can keep for life...thank you anna ....you help me when im at my lowest....i really appreciate everything...also not forgetting those who lend their hands to me too...xp, joel, zhao nan, triciaa, loki, wy ah boon, guofeng, wintermelon...really thank you...and for those who give me nothing but troubles and also gave me a step when im down...karma shall befall you...in this world...being kind to others means being cruel to my own self....bitches are everywhere...so i think...there's not a need for me to show any mercy...

me n him are getting along well...we came to a compromise on certain things...i hope i can stick to it...i do like him alot...and yes...hopefully things works out fine too....

well...i guess the above post summarise everything...no doubt its short but its enough to express how i feel....so....-to be continue- ^_^