pressure

been feeling some stress ever since we both started...not stress over the distance...not stress over the gap...but its the stress from those outsiders...i dunno what have he done to incurred so much wrath from the others...i dunno what exactly is happening...

i choose to believe him from my stand...i choose not to just listen to one sided story...and definitely i hope those of my closest ones around me believe him like how i do too...its a gamble afterall...

i wanted him to prove to others that he is not what the rumours had spread...i want him to show them that all the rumours are not real...this takes time...but im willing to face all these with him...its not gonna be easy...but im sure we can do it..

i really hope those people will stop all the rumours spreading....be it out of any reasons they had...it just get real frustrating when the same thing have been repeated to me times and again...

although i may be wrong...i may be right about believing in him too....so i sincerely hope all my friends can share the same thoughts as me...spare me all the nonsense please..

lil' updates

its been a long time since i last blog...was really busy after i came back from kuching, sarawak...i shall just update bits and pieces of whats happening on certain days =)

19/09/2010 - bebe came over to the airport to fetch me with my bro...i'm really happy to see him after we parted from my last KL trip...but sad to say...i overheard some stuffs about him which really cause me unhappiness...this is the first time he "lie" to me...and yes...im utterly disappointed...why am i facing these shit again i keep asking myself...haiz...but well...chance were given of cos...just hope i dont hv to go thru this again...

20/09/2010 - 21/09/2010 - nothing much happen...went drinking with the usual kakis at M bar with bebe...

22/09/2010 - was suppose to drive up to KL...but some issues happen and my trip was delay to the next day..

23/09/2010 - happen to find out some unhappy issues again...my heart just dropped...the news just chilled my heart...its just a short period of time only and yet i get to see all these...went over to change car with ah beng to drive up to KL...things keep wondering in my mind...should i come back home straight after the kuala pilah lion dance comp videoing...was in a dilemma...it hurts...and yes...after the talk..i decided to just rub off the thing...hoping that it will never happen again....

24/09/2010 - came back from KL...met up with the usual gang again and drink

25/09/2010 - was up early preparing for lei sheng anniversary...the whole thing last till night time after the banquet ends...shagged out totally...but end up i didnt go home to rest...its out to drinking again...

26/09./2010 - had a really good rest...after that drop by to yangwei for supper with the guys...after supper, bebe and me went over to marina barrage for a chill out session with some beers on hand...lend him my ears for his problems too...everything will be fine de...dont think too much bebe hong =)

27/09/2010 - time for him to go back to KL...he was emo-ing the night before...we have to part for the time being again...i do miss him...in fact i was planning to go back with him to KL...but i cant cos i have my dragon dance training for cjh anniversary...can only hope that he will settle his stuffs soon and join me back in sg...after he left...i must admit that im a lil' not use to the emptiness....the feel of being alone...but well...there's nothing much i can do too....

went for my dragon dance training after sending him off...its time to start remembering all the taoshi again cos some changes are added into the whole thing...hopefully i can handle everything and give a splendid performance =)

will be off to sarawak in another few hours time...and yes...im travelling alone cos bebe couldnt make it....i'll be back on 19th sept which is this coming sunday...hopefully this trip of mine is not as bored as im expecting it to be...

wont be taking any photo shoots this time round cos im alone...so only video taking...

bon voyage to me~

i'm sad...

been feeling rather down these few days...disappointment and sadness...Bebe didn't come as planned...and i guess i will have to make this trip alone to Sarawak =(

something happen at his work place initially...then follow by his grand uncle dismissal...i fully understand that all these are not within his control and he did try his best to fulfil his words to me...but still i cant help myself but to feel the disappointment...

i didnt mean to create any stress or pressure when i ask him when can i expect him to reach...but somehow the message went across the wrong way and thus cause a small arguement between us...haiz...

been looking forward to this sarawak trip but now i guess its no longer the same feel anymore...

=(

unhappy

been feeling kinda frustrated over someone these few days...although i know its not within my control...but i really cannot tolerate at times...

why would someone wanna risk what he have now over those stupid things...told him times and again not to do it but sadly...he turns a deaf ear to it...i really dont wish to see anything bad happen to him...its not easy for him to gain what he have now...and i definitely dont want to see him losing everything one day....but im feeling so helpless...

what if the deadful day arrives? what am i suppose to do? hang on everything for him? or just let it be? this thought is just so scary...i pray that things will be well for him...pray that he will be safe...and i hope nothing serious will ever happen....god bless....

long distance relationship...

someone ask me a question just now...why would i want a long distance relationship when i can just get one in singapore....and my reply was...it could be a good thing afterall....since we dont get to meet so often....lesser conflict too =)

i guess after my 8 years relationship....im going very easy on love matters....although im still so afraid of heartache, afraid of shedding tears, afraid of the sinking heart feeling...i still hope to keep my finger cross that everything will be ok....

was rather unhappy over some issue recently...so i decided to had a small talk with him just now...i really do hope my message do get across to him loud and clear....someone told me to just open and close one eye cos he belongs to those friendly and playful type...i ask myself...am i even ready to just do that? but sadly...i know i cant...when it comes to love...i am selfish....i guess this applies to others too....

i dont want to mould him into my perfect lover...nor do i want him to change himself to fit into me...but at the very least...i want him to spare a thought for me in whatever he do...it really hurts when i see what i shouldnt be seeing or hear what i shouldnt have heard...

but well...i will still hold on to my principle....as long as i dont caught him red handed...he shall have my 100% trust...lets just hope that this relationship of mine can withstand all the test...

=)

happy times passes fast...

happy time passes real fast...here i am back to singapore...will start my hectic schedule tml...after takashimaya lion dance competition...i'll be off to sarawak with my bebe for the fliming of lion dance again...will be fully pack till october 6th....im kinda enjoying this kind of life style im having now =) looking forward to my next trip oversea again...

blogging from KL, Kepong now...today its already the 4th day i'm with him....another 3 more days and i have to part with him temporally and i know i will miss him badly =( .....i wonder how's life after this temp separation...

really looking forward to our next meet up...thank you bebe hong for the time u spend with me...muackz! =)

didnt really go to many places when i'm in KL...met up with my cousin and have a lil' catch up...then went drinking at Mist and Solaris Pub...met some interesting people...nice =)

when i'm back to sg its time to get tied up for taka lion dance competition...from 6th to 12t sept...i have to report for work there every night...hopefully work can take my mind off for the time being...so i wont feel the emptiness...

meanwhile...i wanna spend my time happily these few days...till we meet again...pls take care bebe..muackz! =)